I fumbled for the toilet seat, lifted it, undid my jeans, and pushed them down. Steadying myself on the wall, I sat, and let flow.My pee smelled and stung. I peed a lot. Dehydration. Drink water dummy.And then I was like, Why? I was supposed to be dead. Peace and quiet and dead. Why couldn't I be dead? I couldn't even kill myself successfully, not even with pills and a bridge to jump off of. Fuck, Fuck, FUCK. I felt tears tickle the corners of my eyes. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want anything. What I wanted was nothing, or really, nothingness. I just wanted everything to be over.Sniffling, I wiped, pulled up my pants, flushed, and turned to the sink. Dixie cups, in a little dispenser. It was like I was a little girl again, playing with the Dixie cups in the bathroom and "slubbing" in the sink. Mamma!Mamma. Crap.I filled a little cup with water and drank, filled it again, drank again, and forced myself to fill it a third time and drank. I put the cup down, dried my hands, and left. And most of us there could have bid way more than we called out. But, to be fair to everyone, we kept the bids within reason and still raised a good amount for charity.When a veterinarian came up I knew kismet had struck. I was so excited I bid ten dollars over the opening bid. His name was John and he was six feet two inches tall, with shoulders so broad I wondered how he fit inside the tux he was wearing. His shoulder length blond hair was pulled back in a pony tail and his smile would melt butter. The auctioneer said he was new in town, and that we should welcome him appropriately. Several other ladies must have felt as I did because they jumped on the bid wagon and the price reached over a hundred dollars within seconds.Eventually it was one other lady and myself in a bidding war. Any other time I would have been charitable and let her have him, but I was toad hunting and John looked to be everything I wanted and more. I wasn't about to let him out of my grasp. I figured she.
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